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Recovery and the Holidays
The holiday season for many in recovery from an eating disorder can be a difficult
time. During the holidays food often becomes a central focus in our lives. During
this time of year, family activities, social functions, and even work-related activities
often are centered on food. Along with the focus on food, additional pressures can
include:
 Internal imposed pressures
of wanting to look good and fit into the holiday outfit for family functions, pictures
and social events.
Stress from interacting
with family members. Oftentimes, communication can be dysfunctional or even non-existent
within eating disordered families.
Feelings of loneliness.
The holidays can bring about feelings of being isolated and apart from others.
Comments for family and
friends about physical appearance such as “ you look so thin” or “I’ve heard of
this incredible diet.”
Eating with and in front
of others during family meals and social gatherings.
The over abundance of possible
binge foods at family gatherings, social functions, and the workplace.
The perceived pressures
from another year gone by.
It is no wonder with the cumulative effect of all of the above pressures that the
holiday season is one of the periods of times with the greatest rates of dysfunctional
eating. With the appropriate planning ahead of time, you can help alleviate the
stress associated with this time of year.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past
Holiday memories can be some of our most cherished and at the same time painful
remembrances. Memories of running down the stairs bright-eyed, ready to divvy up
the loot with our family or the special feeling of receiving a unique gift from
a close relative will always be cherished. For others the traditionalism of the
holiday practices and decorations are special. Unfortunately, included with these
positive memories may also be painful ones of feeling alone, secret bingeing, or
being embarrassed about our bodies.
Each of us attempts to deal with our past in different ways. Some struggle with
trying to structure the holiday season in an attempt to recapture lost fond memories.
Others attempt to have the present holiday makeup for past seasons that may have
been missed due to painful family situations. Trying to make the present recapture
or makeup for the past can set the present holiday up for failure. These situations
hold the present holiday a prisoner of our past. There never seems to be enough
happiness, presents or lights to fill up the emptiness felt inside. Unfortunately,
this leaves the eating disordered behavior to try and fill the void of the unfulfilled
expectations.
Armed with this knowledge, instead of living in the past, you can live in the present
and make new cherished memories. By becoming willing to understand our internal
expectations for the season and by letting go of our hold of the holidays, we can
become free to appreciate and enjoy the present occurring situations. An exercise
that can be useful in preparing your expectations for the holidays is as follows:
1. Draw five columns on a blank piece of paper.
2. Under the first column write down your first memory of the holiday.
3. Under the second column write down one or two of your fondest memories from the
holiday.
4. Under the third column write down instances when you were practicing your disorder
during the holidays.
5. Under the forth column list the ways you have spent the holidays in recovery.
6. Under the final column write down your future goals for the holidays.
7. For the final part of the exercise compare the columns and notice if there are
any themes that run through your memories and goals.
Isolation
Sometimes in trying to survive the pressures of the holiday season, individuals
attempt to deny their importance. They tell themselves this is just another day
of the week and they try to convince themselves that they are not going to get caught
up in all the seasonal frenzy. This ploy usually does not work, as no matter how
hard the person tries, the holidays never present themselves as just another day.
Isolation does not work and usually just makes the person feel lonely during this
time of year. In actuality, the best medicine for the holiday blues is to reach
out to other individuals. Risking and sharing is a powerful tool. The other person
may not be able to fix the feelings but the process of reaching out and sharing
with another can diminish the power of the negative feelings. It is important to
surround yourself with individuals who can empathize with you and understand what
you may be going through.
Family
The holiday season is traditionally a time for family gatherings. During the celebrations
the social more is for everyone to be happy and to enjoy each other’s company. For
some attending family functions will be an enlightening experience, heightening
the enjoyment of the season. For others, interacting with family members can cause
significant stress. Oftentimes, communication between family members is dysfunctional
or non-existent. Many individuals may have family members who may be in the mist
of a disorder and getting together with these individuals may not be the correct
decision. For eating disordered individuals, comfort in the past may have been sought
through restricting or bingeing. To help avert a potentially dangerous situation
it is important to plan ahead. Before attending a family function you may want to
ask yourself the following questions:
What are my expectations for this family gathering?
What might my family expect of me?
What are some realistic expectations for the family function?
What part of the family gathering am I most looking forward to?
What part of the family gathering am I most concerned about?
How much involvement am I willing to have with the family event?
What steps can I take to take care of myself during the family gathering?
Writing down answers to these questions and sharing them with someone else can help
clarify expectations and feelings about an impending family gathering. It can also
help diminish any negative power the situation may hold. Some individuals have even
been able to share these feelings with their families prior to the function. Many
individuals make the decision to eat their meal prior to the family gathering and
then abstain during the function. If this is your choice, be prepared for others
to ask you about not eating. If difficulty arises at a family function, there are
always options. One option is to excuse yourself and telephone someone you trust
to talk about what is going on. Also there is nothing wrong with telling the truth
about feelings. This might seem scary but holding in feelings in the past may have
lead to eating disordered behavior. If none of this works, there is always the option
of leaving. You have the right to take care of yourself even if it does not meet
your family’s wishes.
New Year’s Resolutions
For many making New Year’s resolutions is a non-productive process. You may want
to look how many times you have made promises in your past to no longer restrict,
binge, purge, abuse laxatives, etc. Often, these resolutions fail and send the individual
on a downward spiral of practicing their disorder. Instead of all or nothing resolutions,
try this year making commitments to work on certain areas of your life. By participating
in New Year’s resolutions in this way, you may be more likely to see improvement.
For more information or to arrange for a free confidential consultation, call
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