Additionally, Dr. Rader will select certain questions and will publish those along with his responses on this page on a regular basis. Your name will not be revealed should your question be used. Dr. Rader looks forward to hearing from you.
Question: I am very hesitant to even e-mail, as I have been hiding for so long. I am married with 4 children. I have had bulimia since I was 15. I am now 37. Still fighting it. And no one knows but me, myself, and I. This is a big step for me to take. Even telling somebody, and admitting that I have a problem. I'm afraid for myself, for my children, and my husband. Of course, I think heavily about what people in my community think of me too. It all scares me to think what will happen when this 'can of worms' is opened. That's what stops me. Yet I don't think I can live like this anymore. As I read some of your letters I truly fit into the category of the person who wants to control the eating-bingeing cycle, yet convince myself that I am ready to give up that feeling of being able to eat anything, without gaining weight. I hear it all the time from my sisters, family, .kids about how I can seem to eat and never gain weight. If they only knew. It is a vicious cycle, one that I am tired of. Tired of because I now have teeth that are rotting out, headaches, blurred vision, some depression more frequently now. BUT I always put on a happy face when I go out. I'm just tired of it and don't know what to do anymore. I know I need help. There is always the $ issues. That's the biggest reason I won't tell my husband, anyone for that matter. Thank you for letting me air this. You have been the only person I have ever let this out to. And that tells me I'm getting closer to wanting, actually WANTING to find some help. I have concerns about how it will affect my children. That is probably what is pushing me towards help. My conscience. I didn't think I had one anymore... I thought it went down the toilet with everything else. I guess I don't actually know how to open this can of "worms" to my family. Even my family doctor.... who has delivered all my children and everything. I've hidden it from. My parents have no idea, nor any family members. You become a master at hiding what you want hidden. I no longer want to be that master I think. Only you know this.. please... advice? Anything would help. Thank you for having an email available for people like me.
Answer: You did just take a big step by admitting you need help. Bulimia is a disease that has devastating consequences not only for the individual but also for the people involved in their life. But because it is a disease, you need professional support. If you had a kidney disorder you would not blame yourself or try and treat the disorder yourself. You need to give yourself the same break with your eating disorder. I am sure if you entrust your family with the knowledge of what is going on with your bulimia, they will be there for you. If one of your children was suffering from an eating disorder you would want to know and you would do everything to help them. Your family will want the privilege of being able to do the same thing for you.
Question: I am a 29 year-old mother of two beautiful kids. I have a loving hubby and just moved into the home of my dreams. I couldn't ask for a better job or a better life, so why am I going through this again. I began Bulimia when I was 15. The binging and purging lasted for about five years. I don't do my "routine" any more, but I am now finding myself with the same feelings of inadequacy and need to satisfy my depressed mood with as much food as possible. I have to consciensiously think about not purging, but now that isn't working. What is funny is that it feels like I am punishing myself with the food I choose. I eat chocolate even though I get migraines from it. I eat fattening food even though I know I don't want it and it will make me unhappy. My thoughts are also affecting my productivity in family and work. Why would I be going through this when I have a "perfect life?" Why do I want to punish myself for not living up to my "perfect life" expectations? I take it I need help, but I don't know if I am really as needy as others, or if I'm just "seeking attention." Have you seen "me" before in your diagnostics? What do you suggest? Have you heard of any clinics in Utah?
Answer: Yes, what you are going through is normal. Many eating disordered individuals say they feel like a "fraud" and feel they are undeserving of their life. They often use food and purgeing as a means of punishing themselves for not being what they consider worthy of what has been given to them. We can help you if you want the help.
Question: I am a freshman in college and one of my roommates has anorexia. She has told all of us (I have five roommates) and she sees a therapist. The problem is that she completely admits that she has an eating disorder. This wouldn't seem like a problem except that it makes it very hard to help her. When we tell her she needs to eat more, she says that she knows she does, but then she does very little about it. Her doctor and mother will take her out of school in December if she loses any more weight. We suggested getting food that she really likes for the room, but she says that she can't even get to the point where she can decide if she's hungry or not. Food just doesn't appeal to her. She's not the kind of person who belongs in a hospital being forced to eat and share her feelings, but she needs some help or else that's where she'll end up. I think that we are the ones most able to help her outside of her therapist, whom she's thinking of leaving because now she's "mean." What can we do to help her?
Answer: I am sure it is difficult watching someone you care about suffer from an eating disorder. Anorexia is a serious disorder with 10 percent of those suffering eventually dying from the disorder. You are doing the right thing by seeking support. Although your roommate says she knows she has an eating disorder, there is a big difference between knowing you have an eating disorder and being willing to do what it takes to recover. It is admirable that you are trying to facilitate her weight gain by buying foods she likes, but anorexia is not really about eating or gaining weight, but rather about the underlying pain and dysfunction in her life. It is often helpful to look at an eating disorder as a survival mechanism that gives the person a false sense of control over their seemingly uncontrollable life. It has been my experience that professional inpatient treatment is what can make the difference in helping the individual recover. At Rader Programs, we do not force the individual to eat, but rather help them see that their eating disorder is really not giving them what they want in life. Through this process, the individual learns new coping skills and is able, with support, to eat healthy again.
Question: Why should my wife come to your clinic over the many clinics available. I have talked to several and I do not have a good litmus test to say she should go here or there. Her primary issues are depression and binge eating. Please help give me some criteria by which to judge different facilities.
Answer: The most important thing is that you are getting your wife treatment and for that I commend you. You would be surprised by how often family members are not supportive of treatment. If I were seeking treatment for a family member who was suffering from depression and binge eating, I would look for the following in a treatment center:
- Treatment center dedicated exclusively to treating eating disorders, and not just a track in an existing center or hospital.
- Around-the-clock Registered Nurses because of the possible serious physical consequences of an existing disorder.
- Treatment center that knows and treats all three eating disorders; Anorexia, Bulimia and Binge Eating Disorder, due to the fact that many patients bounce between the disorders.
- Full time registered dietitian.
- Psychiatrist that specializes in eating disorders.
- Family Program
- Exercise Program
- Non-behavioral program, one that does not use punishment and rewards.
- Use of support groups such as CA and ANAD.
- Group therapy.
- Internists.
- Use of staff members who have solid recovery from eating disorders themselves.
- Warmth of the staff members.
- Amount of time staff has treated eating disorders.
- Treatment facilities where resources are spent on treatment, as opposed to unrelated items such as horses.
- Complete and full client schedule with groups focused on key issues related to eating disorders, such as body image, sexuality, nutrition, and family.
Comment: First of all, I would like to say it's a pleasure to email you. I am writing to you to "share my story." My older sister, Betsy, died from a cardiac arrest as a result of complications from Bulimia 13 years ago. She was 25. Since her death, my parents and I have read everything we could about her eating disorder and have also taken a "real" look at our family. I did some volunteer work at Rader. I have learned so much about co-dependency, family history, addictive behaviors, etc., since Betsy's death. I have shared her story with groups of college-aged women, given my testimony, helped with an intervention, shared with women who are dealing with an eating disorder one-on-one, and many other things. I am employed at a university in NC as the Alumni Director. I feel like her story is one of great value and I know it has reached some of the people I have shared it with. I know your programs you have in place are positive ones. I wanted to write and say I would be willing to volunteer, speak and encourage others at any of your facilities if it would be of assistance. Thank you for the work you are doing in helping those who suffer from eating disorders... you are appreciated.
Question: I am 21 years old and have had a problem with Bulimia since I was about 13 years old. I thought I was over it for a while, but I always seem to come back to my eating disorders. The reason I am writing is because I am worried about my ability to have children. I am wondering if Bulimia has any affect on the ability to have children. Please let me know of any medical problems that could occur during pregnancy due to Bulimia.
Answer: Eating disorders are serious disorders that do have physical side effects. OBGYN's have documented significant fertility problems in individuals suffering from eating disorders. In addition, practicing an eating disorder while pregnant can have serious consequences for the unborn child. Also, parents with eating disorders are likely to pass on their eating disordered behavior to their children. If you are pregnant or thinking about having children, you should seek help for your eating disorders.
Question: I am a 21 year old woman and I have had a weight problem since I was about 12. It started once I hit puberty. I find myself constantly in the refrigerator and around food. I work in a deli so I am around food all day long. I eat while I am at work, when I am sad, mad, and even bored. Food seems to be my answer to all my problems. I eat when I am not even hungry. I have a friend who is 32 years old and she too does the same thing. We both have tried all different diets and have tried to cut out snacking and junk food. The more we try, the more we seem to eat what we shouldn't be eating. We have no self-discipline and we need help. If there is some advice or something that you could do for us, please respond as soon as possible. My friend does not have a computer of her own so we are writing together. Please help us. We are desperate and in need of help. Thank you for your time.
Answer: I am encouraged to hear that the two of you are looking for help. Although it is not possible to diagnose an eating disorder through email, the behaviors you are describing are those of a compulsive overeater. Food can be used as a substance to deal with unwanted feelings. Some individuals describe their binge behavior as their survival mechanism to deal with their life. They no longer use food to nourish their bodies and often eat when they are not even hungry. Admitting you have a problem and seeking help are the first and hardest steps. No diet will work, but emotional support and exploration is the key to overcoming compulsive overeating.
Comment: I was a patient eleven years ago. I just discovered your website and would love to hear from any of the other girls who were there, or the staff. I am now happily pursuing a master's degree in opera performance. I am free from food and weight obsession and leading that "normal" life that I always wanted. Please send a special hello to David Kirk, if you are still in contact with him.
Comment: Today, I found myself hunting down your homepage... remembering 2 1/2 years ago desperately searching for answers, and thankfully finding you. I am 27 years old and living binge and purge free. I have the Rader programs to thank for much of my new life, for that is what you helped me find. A life. I was bulimic for close to 13 years of my life. I never dreamt that I would find a man that could love a less than perfect looking me, and never in a million years did I think I could ever go through the experience of having a child... a son who is 8 months old as of yesterday. The Rader staff is unquestionably the most caring, and nonjudgmental group of angels I've run across and in my heart are so very missed (I say with a smile.) I hope that more can find, that while recovery is a day by day challenge, and we slip, but we don't have to fall, it can offer a life outside the compulsion. I'm grateful to Rader, and all the Raderettes (patients I went through the program with) for support and guidance down a brighter path. On a personal note, please tell Lisa that I am so proud to have known her and watch her vision of helping others continue through her work at Rader and her website. Let Liza know that Ed (Edward, not E.D. eating disorder) and I are happy with our new son Adam. Hello to Shari and the little one that she was expecting while I was there. Hello to Kathy, who knew how to take vitals without even waking me up and keeping me company outside, hahaha. Hello to Trina, who could make snack/closer more fun than it probably should have been at times. And of course a hello for Marlise and her wonderful gift of hugs, and Yvonne, Morley, John, and I can't forget "Nurse Ratchet" Debbie......... always a smile waiting for us when it was time for meds and when we'd belly up to her desk for a shot of Metamucil. You will all be forever in my heart when I remember that time in my life. Thank You all again, and God bless from Fargo, ND.
Love, Mary
Response: Thanks so much for your email. It means a lot to hear you are doing so well. Congratulations on your recovery. I will pass on your well wishes to the staff.